Ok, so there are some spots where the name is combined with whatever word comes after it, and the pacing is way too quick, even for a demo. I don't know how long you've been working on this, but proper punctuation and grammar are what usually keep a story flowing, especially with visual novels. When something isn't spelled right, immersion in the story is broken because the reader has to decode whatever was being said. It's not a very difficult thing to get, especially if you ever had English in school.
Now if you're from outside the country, I could cut you a little bit of slack, but at the same time, this is poor even for that. I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm just giving my criticism on this visual novel. I understand it's a work in progress, so I hope that this helps, even a little bit.
Everyone's favorite fanfiction writing, anime watching, video game playing idiot,
~Bowser Jr's Descendant